The Lighter Side of Travel
Humor Catalog

The Wacky World of Airport People
Staff writer

It's interesting when you're at the airport to observe the different types of people as they hang around waiting for their flight. After months of research and copious note-taking, I've come up with some definitive types you're most likely to find in every airport.

The Bundle of Nerves: Usually a corporate type, this traveler nervously paces around the gate area. He keeps looking out the window to see if the plane arrived yet. He'll sit down. Stand up. Make about a gazillion calls on the cell phone. Check the monitors. Check the window again. Life is just too nerve racking for this guy and he could easily turn into:

The Drinker: Sure it's only 9:30 a.m. but there he is; bellied up to the bar, drinking a Heinie like it's the most natural thing in the world. He's alone and seems to be meditating on his drink. Can you say cirrhosis? Of course there's the other drinkers too; the gang of goofy guys that love hanging out at airport sports bars, screaming at the television screen whether their team wins or loses. They get so carried away, they barely notice, the beer tab is approaching six figures what with those prices from another galaxy in airport bars.

The Totally Confused: This traveler's head has the mannerisms of a chicken; darting here, looking there, with a face full of questions; Where's my gate? Do I have my ticket? Is the plane on time? Do I have time to pee? Where's the restroom? Is this the right Concourse? Whoa! Is my ticket for American or Amtrak?

Cart People: Beeeep! Beeeep! Cart People coming through! The most annoying group of people at any airport. They get their asses hauled around in that stupid 5 MPH cart. The driver has that continuous distracting beep going. All the people in the cart look at you as they go by: Out of our way! We're privileged! We're Cart People--we go first! (Some people genuinely need the cart--and some genuinely don't!)

The Dolled Up for The Trip Lady: There she is; sporting those Chanel C's on every article of clothing, acrylic nails pointing conspicuously at anything she can find. Apparently, The Joker was the makeup artist here: foundation that's been applied with a trowel with dark lip liner that looks like she's been sucking on the exhaust pipe of a bus.The hairstyle displays the softness of freshly poured asphalt. Louis Vuitton luggage is usually somewhere in sight and sunglasses the size of small satellite dishes adorn her lifted face.

The Family: Always a joy to be around. Someone is always screaming and someone is always sleeping. Patience usually runs short when the family travels together. Harsh whispers of, "Stop it right now! I mean it! Either you behave or you're walking to Cincinnati!" may be heard. When the family has infants or toddlers, other passengers in the waiting area are usually saying a prayer their seat is on another plane.

The Latent Hippie Type: Stretched out on the floor, eating grains or simply staring out into space, these folks think they're at home in their living room, only the airport carpeting is probably better. There's plenty of seats to sit on, but they'd rather camp out in their own interior Woodstock. Their consciousness is above ours; but their personal hygiene usually isn't. It's amazing they travel by plane and not by llama.

As much as I love ranking on people is as much as I love them sometimes. Therefore this next section is dedicated to:

The Airport Unsung Hero:
Every airport has them. The ladies that clean up the

 

bathrooms; the people that empty the trash containers in the terminal and in general keep things neat. I had the positive experience of meeting up with Angelica Benitez, who came to North Carolina from Mexico to work at the Charlotte airport. Angelica works seven days a week, eight hours a day, for the airport cleaning service and then leaves that job to work an additional eight hours at a local Burger King. She does this 7 days a week; her only night off is Sunday night. She is using the money to put her son through college so he can have a better life. On her one night off, she tries to learn English. Angelica Benitez is a hardworking woman who is an inspiration to us all. Three cheers for Angelica! I salute you--you are truly a hero!

Alright enough of the sappy stuff, you know it's not my style. Till next time!

 

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